One year ago I got the call no daughter ever wants to get.
You tried to be so strong, but the cracking in your voice made it clear how scared you were. They found a tumor in your brain & you were awaiting results for the rest of your body. The tears flooded down my cheeks... it's that time... that time I've always anticipated but never wanted to live. I packed a bag & my two dogs and headed north to be with you when you received the results. I held your hand as the words came... kidneys, liver, lungs... small cell metastatic lung cancer... stage four... terminal. You were given a matter of weeks without treatment, a few months with. We searched for options, answers, reasons. I bargained, I pleaded... there had to be a way out. You were so brave in those final months, & never wanted to ask for help. As your waistline slimmed, as your hair fell, you still smiled... you were still full of love. I remember the last time we went to dinner, your head dressed in a bandana. You had to excuse yourself as the chemo made you ill & unable to eat. But you still took me out, told me to order whatever I wanted & made sure to inform me of how deserving I am. Though you were so sick, you still showed up for me... front and center @atakgallery for the biggest night of my life. I wish I was stronger for you. I wish there was more I could've done. You've left a gaping hole in my heart, a hole I sit with daily. I miss you Dad, more than these words can do justice. I will carry you with me always & dedicate my life to making you proud. Rest In Peace poppa, you will remain the most incredible man I've had the honor of knowing. For those of you who've lost a loved one to terminal illness, know my heart is with you. #rip #johnagrayjr #daddy #father #poppa #love #family #imissyou #iwillcarryyoualways #fuckcancer